How is Self-Esteem Working for You?

Growing up, many of us have had the idea of how to build self-esteem, how to raise self-esteem, and how to keep a high self-esteem emphasized throughout our school careers. Although self-esteem has its place of importance, I challenge you to take a look at the concept of self-compassion. You see, the problem with self-esteem is that it emphasizes that failure is unacceptable and many times encourages comparison of yourself with others.  Self-Compassion involves being kind to ourselves even when things don’t go our way. Check out this article from Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on Self-Compassion.

In addition, if you are interested in learning more about Self-Compassion, email to find out more about our Self-Compassion Group.

Having Meaningful, Empathetic Conversations About Racism

Why is racism so hard to talk about? It’s so hard, yet it is so important. Many of us have recognized that change is necessary. But how do we facilitate conversations about race that are meaningful and help us better understand each other? 

The answer may very well be empathy. Empathy is a person’s ability to share and understand each other’s experiences. The good news is that we all can work on being more empathetic toward each other.

In the past month, many people have opened their eyes to the suffering of BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) that they had previously ignored or are ignorant to for various reasons. How can we keep our eyes open and bring about positive change? A good place to start is to cultivate and expand upon our empathy. Truly listen to each other, talk to each other, and care for one another. Continue to talk about racism and do our best to try and see things from another person’s perspective.

The way our society is structured, some people think that talking about race is divisive in and of itself, and therefore avoid talking about race. However, a person of color may easily recognize the privilege that a white person has to not discuss race or have to think about race all the time. It’s hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Many of us that are in a place of privilege avoid talking about race to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes, so we shy away just to stay on the safe side. Some of us don’t speak out for fear of being called a racist, or any other -ist. But, avoiding this conversation reinforces the sufferings of our underrepresented communities. By taking this bold step of continually communicating with each other with empathy, we can hold each other accountable to the everyday work of anti-racism.

Let’s talk about the different layers of empathy.  The first layer of empathy is cognitive empathy. This layer is impactful in motivating others, negotiating, and thinking about understanding the viewpoints of others. Be sure not to ignore or block out your deeper emotions. If you do, you may assume that you know what the other person is feeling or experiencing. Ask questions directly and listen with your ears and feel with your heart. 

The second layer of empathy is emotional empathy. This is when you literally feel the same emotions and relate to the other person’s experience as if it were your own. As humans, we all experience the same gamut of emotions throughout our lives – anger, fear, happiness are all emotions we feel at times. 

The third layer of empathy is compassionate empathy. With this type of empathy, we understand the person’s situation and feel with them, but we also have the motivation to help. Compassionate empathy considers the whole person (both cognitive and emotional empathy) and we should all strive to step into this type of empathy as much as we can. Gauge each situation and listen to your heart and your thoughts as to which type of empathy to use.

We must have uncomfortable conversations to facilitate change. I hear many of us saying that we want to make changes, but are not sure how to make a difference. Talk to your colleagues, peers, friends and family about what they have been feeling in the last month about all the unrest and racist acts that are happening in the Nation. Take things a step further and have authentic and empathetic conversations with people of all colors to help continue the conversation on how to combat racism.  Use compassionate empathy when talking with BIPOC to gain their full perspective and understand what they are going through as much as possible. By being more empathetic towards each other, we can be more than just an ally. Through compassionate empathy, we can work on understanding the whole person so that we can actively commit to unlearning bias ways of thinking and behaving. We can change the current landscape that teaches us “us vs. them” and instead unite together as “we” to create meaningful, lasting change.

At Counseling Services and across the Michigan Tech campus, our hearts are broken at the violence, discrimination and hatred we have seen unfolding across our nation on members of the Black Community and historically marginalized people. Please take the time, if you have not already, to read A Call to Action written by Kellie Raffaelli, Director for the Center of Diversity and Inclusion and also A Message to Campus regarding George Floyd by President Koubek. 

“As we navigate these challenging times together, let us serve as role models for unity and strength. Let us use our voices, our skills, and our influence to advocate for change. And let us elevate the level of public discourse around equity and inclusivity. The responsibility of justice rests on us all and can only be carried out as one community built upon a plurality of voices.” – President Koubek

In addition, check out this video from former Michigan Tech student, Travis Tidwell, where he has shared his first-hand perspective of his experiences in Houghton.

Please know that Counseling Services is here for you and we hear you. We recognize that you may be experiencing many different emotions that can be difficult to unpack. We are offering times for drop-in healing spaces throughout the summer and fall via Zoom. Summer dates are July 15, July 22, and August 5 from 11am-12pm EST.

If you would like more information on this or need a supportive space to connect with one of our counselors, please contact

Flower Breathing to Relieve Stress

During times of stress, make sure to take care of your yourself – your mind, heart, and soul. Deep breathing is a good way to start and will enable you to increase relaxation. Remember to breathe deep to the bottom of your lungs and release your stress as you exhale. Take a look at this post from the Association of University and College Counseling Center Outreach (AUCCCO).

Breathe along with this animation! Art by @colormehappii

Personal Growth Goals

Continuous self-improvement and self-development are likely things we all strive for as members of the Michigan Tech community. As you go through this summer, I encourage you to come up with some specific ways that you can become a better version of yourself. Summer is often a time of renewal and it can also be a time to reflect on what you may want to improve upon. Take a look at this article for some great tips. “21 Examples of Personal Development Goals for a Better You.”

Keeping Healthy Habits During the Summer

Summer can be a time to let loose and relax. It can be a time to let out all that stress that has been building up over the school year and take some time to unwind. For most of us, there is definitely a change of pace and rhythm in the summer months. But how do you feel like you are making the most out of your summer, while still taking the time to have fun?

Maybe you created some goals that you want to accomplish over the summer, but you are finding that the time is just getting away from you. Or maybe you are wanting to make some healthy changes in your life, but are finding yourself staying up late playing video games with friends consistently. Whatever your plans are for the summer, you can take the time to relax and rejuvenate, while still making time to meet your goals before the summer flies by. The trick is to be intentional with your time. Here are some tips to be that happier, healthier version of yourself. 

  1. Find new passions and incorporate them into your summer routine
  2. Stay social and keep connected with friends and family
  3. Take the time to disconnect from social media and other things that can eat up your time
  4. Stay on a consistent sleep schedule, eat healthy consistent meals, and exercise regularly
  5. Make time for self-care in your routine as well as setting aside time toward meeting your summer goals – Often these can be goals that you are more invested in personally and will give you a sense of accomplishment.

Staying Connected While Social Distancing

The term “Social Distancing” seems to be in our daily vocabulary these days. I prefer to use the term “Physical Distancing.” Although we must stay physically distanced from each other, we can still stay socially connected to our friends and family. It may take a little extra effort to reach out, but it is so important for both ourselves and others!

Ourselves and others – we all share our common humanity, which is one of the 3 elements of Self-Compassion. This is a difficult time for all of us, and we can all acknowledge that suffering is present. Take a moment and say to yourself “This is really hard right now.” “It is hard to not be able to give a loved one a hug right now.” It is important to acknowledge your feelings; how you are feeling is valid no matter your situation. Try not to place judgement on your feelings. You may have seen the meme about how we are all in different ships, but are in the same storm. No matter what your individual circumstances, anxiety and stress are a common occurrence during these difficult times. Whether you are an introvert or an extravert, you have likely experienced some disappointments since the pandemic started affecting all of our lives. We can cultivate optimism and hope by sharing in our situations.

We as humans like to have control over our situation. By reaching out to our friends and loved ones, staying in contact can be something we can control in our lives. By coming up with creative solutions to stay connected, we are making a conscious effort to maintain control in our lives and continue in our shared experience as humans – even if we are not physically together. Take a look at this article from Cleveland Clinic for some more ideas on how to stay connected:

Incorporating Self-Care into Your Summer Schedule

You have just completed the semester. Congratulations! You made it! You overcame life’s uncertainties and pushed through while giving it your best! How did you do it? Well, I would guess that many of you had to implement self-care into your schedule whether you realize it or not. Did you take the time to take a break from your studies and go for a walk? Or maybe you really enjoy art and made time to draw or paint. 

There are two times when self-care seems to become most difficult – when we are really busy or when we have a lot of unstructured free time.  You have just made it through finals week, and I am sure many of you pushed yourself to your limits, studying late or working double time to finish that big project. Maybe you skipped that reinvigorating walk or told yourself that you did not have time to draw anything that week. It happens to all of us, but how do we overcome this competition for our time? Now summer break is upon us and it can be hard to keep a routine. It’s great to have a break, but how do we use this time for both relaxation and rejuvenation while still utilizing the self-care strategies that work for us even when most of our schedules aren’t booked with studying and classes?

Now is the time to make the most of your self-care routine, whether you are just getting started or are well-versed in your self-care needs. Make a self-care plan and implement it over the summer so that it will become second nature to you when the fall semester starts. We’ve all heard that it takes a while to form a habit, so coming up with a plan now when your academic stress may lower is a good idea. In addition, it is important to train your brain to recognize that sleep, exercise, eating habits, and other self-care activities are just as important as the time you put in studying for your classes. Take a look at this article from Psychology Today on Self-Care: 12 Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself.

Self-Compassion Through the Pandemic

In American culture, it has always been easier for us to be compassionate towards others than it is to ourselves, whether it be a close friend or someone we don’t even know. We feel immense compassion even for people that we do not know that we see on the news that are suffering from this horrible virus.  It is important that we don’t forget to be compassionate towards ourselves as we go through this crisis. You might be saying to yourself, “Well, that sounds selfish, I don’t have it as bad as some people…think of the people in New York or Detroit.” Actually, being compassionate to ourselves is the opposite of selfishness. Self-compassion is the antidote to self-pity and while self-pity says “poor me,” self-compassion recognizes that life is hard for everyone. While it is true that certain people and places will be more harshly affected by this virus and we feel terrible about what they are going through, it is important to remember our common humanity.

Common humanity involves recognizing that suffering is part of the shared human experience and is something that we all go through rather than something that just happens to “you” or “them.” You may experience a sense of isolation through this crisis, such as thinking that you are the only one having a hard time in Calculus during online classes. When a family member is at home and not able to see their loved one in the hospital, they may feel a sense of pervasive isolation and worry. No matter the situation, try not to judge our situations as “It’s not that bad compared to others” or “Wow, things are terrible for me.” Instead, we need to recognize that we are all in this together – as Michigan Tech students, faculty and staff, as Americans, and as a world full of humans. The good news is that we are not alone even if we are not together in person in this day in age. All emotions are real to each and every one of us. We can all relate to the emotions of fear, happiness, anger, and the list goes on. This is something we all share as humans no matter what our situation is.

Take the time to focus on a person, pet, thought or object that stirs up some positivity within you. FaceTime a friend or family member. Our sense of hope, happiness, fun and creativity can continue on even through the pandemic because we are all in this together.

Be kind to yourself. Say to yourself “May I be kind to myself in this moment” and support bringing kindness to yourself. Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend in a compassionate voice, saying “It’s going to be okay,” “I can get through this,” and “I am doing the best I can given the circumstances.” It is okay to be just as you are in this moment. Mindfully allow your thoughts, emotions, and sensations enter your awareness without resistance or avoidance. It is common to feel anxious, confused, overwhelmed, and powerless about this pandemic.

Research shows that people who practice self-compassion are more likely to engage in broadening their perspectives instead of focusing on their distress. Practicing self-compassion by using mindfulness, being kind to ourselves, and recognizing our common humanity makes us less likely to ruminate on “how bad things are.” This is why self-compassionate people generally have better mental health.